I am tremendously discouraged.
The woman whom I had hoped would offer me a job in my hometown told me that the employment opportunities there are nil, and was I moving there to get married? That was the reason she'd come down from Manhatten after 8 years at Sotheby's. I caught myself before I responded, bluntly, "Hell, no!" And softened it a whit. Maybe she just thought I'd had to cough or something. Anita almost choked--she's never heard me swear.
I just feel like I an getting pounded, morale-wise. My LDC wrote that he doesn't agree with the New Testament mandate to marry a Christian (I'd brought up my objections to "missionary dating" in a previous email)--I've never even met the man in person and felt like kicking him vigorously in the shins. I took off work the past several days for this jewelry show at the conference, and my sales thus far don't begin to offset the expenses I've meantime incurred, much less the lost income from my regular job. The left side of my head STILL aches three weeks after I pounded it on the corner of that brick wall when I fell. ObamaCare screwed up my old insurance (I don't need prenatal and obstetrical coverage!!!) and I had to shift to a plan costing $1000 more! I am sick and tired of having to present my academic and professional qualifications to strangers and their organizations ad nauseum, ad infinitum, in the waning hope that someone, somewhere, at last, will publish the Two Motherlands, Two Fatherlands translation and/or give me a decent job.
I've always worked hard. I'm not a complete moron. When I'm being useful, I'm cheerful. But this aching idleness is driving me almost to despair, despite all the self-reminders of episodes from my own history when I was really frighteningly far down and God set me on a new adventure...