Saturday, April 12, 2014

Booger All!

I was peacefully spackling foundation onto my face in the downstairs master bathroom around noon when: Wham! Wham! –there were two loud bangs from the front of the house, like someone had angrily slammed the front door, but twice.  My mother’s gotten good about knocking or ringing the bell before she bursts in, so I yelled, “Hey? Who’s there?” as I grabbed a pair of eyebrow tweezers and went to investigate (what I thought I was going to do with the tweezers, I don’t know—yank out an assailant’s nose hairs?).  I peeked into the garage, whence the noise seemed to originate, and noticed the top of my mother’s Toyota Highlander through the plexiglass window, and a slight bowing to the door itself.  Mums had come to change cars (she regularly switches her Highlander for her Miata, and vice versa, depending on whether she wants practical or fun transportation), and she’d backed into the garage door.  I told her that the price I was willing to pay her for the house had just dropped by 1000 bucks.    She was somewhat disgruntled, but the damage really isn’t obvious, and the door still goes up and down without trouble.

There’s a line in Frozen where the main male lead claims that all men pick their noses…and eat the boogers.  And at the end of the credits, there is a two-sentence legal disclaimer that this particular booger-related statement does not reflect the views of the Walt Disney Company, or its affiliates.  I don’t know if the disclaimer is a joke, or if they were really paranoid that a men’s group would sue.

Speaking of men and noses, I was on my way over to Mums’ house late this afternoon to deliver two bottles of barbeque sauce when I was paused next to an eighties coupe at a stoplight.  The sparkle from the heavily beringed hand of this skinny white guy in the passenger seat caught my eye first, and then the fact that he seemed to have a tool in the other hand up his left nostril.  It was a nose-hair trimmer.  I’ve seen people shaving, brushing their teeth, and applying makeup in cars before, but this was a first.

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