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Saturday, January 23, 2016

Nor Of Fitness Fondly Dream...

I was at the gym other night, robustly sweating on the exercise bike while watching one of the many flatscreen TVs out of the corner of my eye, when one of those ubiquitous New Year's resolution-oriented weight loss snake oil ads came on. And my silhouette was the "before use" illustration. Heck, I didn't think I was that bad off. Of course, every time I work out, I manage to rationalize consumption of a large piece of baklava. I finished off the second of two batches last night...it was a bit stale, but still yummy.

I like the style of dress I wore to the University of South Carolina banquet so much, that I went on 1stDibs one recent evening and found this cute little short vintage (1960s) dress with fox fur trim that I thought looked perfect. [I don't wear any furs that aren't vintage--I want the animals' descendants to have been reasonably dead of natural causes for years in order to justify my wearing of their predecessors' pelts.] Not that I can afford to add the dress to my collection, but it's nice to window shop, even virtually. The note on the listing said that it fit a size medium to large. I checked the specifics and the measurements didn't seem all that huge to me: a 37" bust, 31" waist and 39" hips. So I hauled out a tape measure and checked how my figure compared: 37", 29", 41". With a good pair of control top pantyhose, I could fit in the dress. On the other hand, I have always thought of myself as being a relatively small person (except for my posterior), and being classed "medium to large" was a bit of a shock--I suppose there's no escaping the middle-age spread. I was amused to think that in order to have a perfect hourglass figure with my rib cage, I would have to have a "G" cup bra size! Which is alarming any way you consider it. A woman with a bosom that enormous desperately needs reduction mammoplasty surgery (for perspective, the legendarily well-endowed Dolly Parton only has DD boobs). Instead, I'm definitely a pear shape, "all about that bass", whether I like it or not.

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